Disaster Date
by chocolate365
Summary: Jack finally gets the guts to ask Kim out on a REAL date. He's really excited and wants everything to go perfect. But when you've got four well-meaning but idiot friends trying to 'heat up' the date, anything and everything will go wrong! Oneshot.


**Ahahaha, The evil oneshot bunny has consumed me! I suddenly got the craziest urge to write something romantic but super-funny! Meh, I had to. So…everyone knows Jack and Kim from the Disney XD show Kickin' It, right? Good, because this is a Kickin' It oneshot. Yayz! **

**Summary: Jack finally gets the guts to ask Kim out on a REAL date. He's really excited and wants everything to go perfectly. But when you've got four well-meaning but idiot friends trying to 'heat up' the date, anything and everything will go wrong! Oneshot.**

**WARNING: Super hilarious. Not recommended if you're a party pooper or can't take a joke. Haha just messing with you. Actually, this probably won't be funny, but I'll do my best. I hope it at least makes you smile. I'm not very experienced in writing funny stuff.**

**NOW! COMES MY (least) FAVORITE PART!**

**Disclaimer: (meh…)**

**I DO (not) OWN KICKIN IT, ITS CHARACTERS, OR DISNEY! SO DON'T SUE ME! (Now that you've crushed my hopes, dreams, not to mention my ego…sniff, sniff.)**

**So. Now that that's all cleared up. It's time to start! Yessssss!**

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Jack's stomach was doing flip-flops inside his body as he walked up to Kim's door. He was shaking from head to toe. Slowly he lifted his shaking hand and pressed the doorbell.

_Oh, gosh. Oh gosh I rang it! I pressed it! Gah! No, no no! I pressed Kim's doorbell, there's no going back…I PRESSED HER FREAKING DOORBELL…pull yourself together, man! You're freaking out over a stupid doorbell…_

_Kim's doorbell._

_ Gah. _

Jack was pulled out of his thoughts when the door opened and Kim stood there, looking confused. "Jack? Hey, what's up? I didn't think we had practice today…"

"Oh, umm…we don't, but that's not why I'm here."

She arched an eyebrow. "Really. Then why?"

"I, uh…" _I can't do this. I'm freaking insane. I'm gonna melt into a Jack puddle and die of humiliation._

"Um, Jack? You do realize you're saying your thoughts out loud again, right?"

_Commence puddlization now._

He was about to flee when Kim grabbed hold of him. "What did you want, Jack?"

"I want jellybeans!" He burst out. Kim looked blank. "That's what I want!"

"You want…jellybeans?"

"Uh, yeah! You know, so I can sing the jellybean song while I eat them!"

"The jellybean song?"

"Yeah, it goes, um, jelly jelly jellybean, beany-weany beans, jeeellllyyyybbeeaanns, oh I love me some delicious jelly-welly beany-weany jellybeans!" Jack sang randomly.

Kim gave him a creeped-out look. "Uh, okay. I actually think we might have some in the pantry. Come on in."

Jack followed her inside, reflecting on his jellybean song. He felt like an idiot. Why had he done that?

_How am I ever gonna do this?_ He wondered. Then, as Kim stepped inside the pantry, he made his decision.

"See, there's a whole jar right—HEY!"

As soon as Kim entered the pantry, Jack slammed the door shut and leaned against it with all his strength.

"JACK!" Kim screamed. "Let me out! What are you doing?"

"This way just makes everything a whole lot easier!" he yelled over her screams.

"WHAT? You came here just to lock me in my pantry? What does this accomplish, exactly!"

"Hush, woman! I'm trying to ask you out!"

Dead silence.

"You're trying to ask me out…by LOCKING ME IN A FREAKING PANTRY?" Kim demanded. "Are you INSANE?"

"Only a little," Jack grumbled.

"Jack, if I agree to go out with you, will you let me out of my pantry?"

He considered this. "Yes."

"Then I would be happy to go out with you, Jack."

Jack sprang up. "Really? Yes! Kim said yes! Haha, I've got a date with Kim! Oh yeah! Wait, I gotta wear something nice. I'll have to go to the Nice Store…I GOT A DATE WITH KIM!" he sang as he skipped out of Kim's house…

…completely forgetting that Kim was still locked in the pantry.

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"Hey guys! Guess what!" Jack sang as he skipped into the dojo.

"What, Jack?" Rudy asked, finishing his paperwork and looking up. Eddie and Milton were sparring on the mat. Jerry was putting on his new suntan lotion, pineapple scented.

"I got a date with—"

"Wait, don't tell me," Jerry interrupted. "You got a date with Queen Hatshepsut-Frannieboa-Requestquehour the Fourth of the planet Verdoniciaz."

Jack shook his head. "She was my date for Spring Daisy Dance. Guess again."

"Donna," Milton suggested.

"Nope. Guess again."

"My Great-Aunt Esmeralda!" Eddie put in.

"Nope. Guess again."

"Kim?" Rudy suggested.

After a moment of silence Eddie, Jerry, and Milton burst into laughter. "That's the silliest thing I ever heard, Rudy!" Jerry laughed. "I mean, Kim? Really?"

"Actually," Jack said, grinning triumphantly, "it is Kim."

They stopped laughing and stared at him in disbelief.

Milton snorted. "So what did you have to do to get her to go with you? Lock her in a pantry?"

"Eh, heh heh," Jack laughed, rubbing the back of his neck. "No…I mean, only psychotic crazy people desperate for a date do that…hee hee…"

Then his eyes widened. "Oh, crap!" he shouted. "She's still in the pantry!" With that, he sped out the door of the dojo.

The four guys left in the dojo looked at each other.

"Okay, guys! Huddle!" Rudy demanded, and they scrunched together.

"Okay, men. Jack and Kim are going on a date," Rudy briefed them. "They obviously will never get to first base unless we help them."

"How?" Eddie interjected.

Milton whacked him. "No interrupting, soldier!"

Rudy continued. "We have to spy on them and heat up their date a little bit. They'll thank us later, because everybody knows those two belong together, I mean really! And it's not like they're not used to the general public watching everything they do, I mean we have a show on Disney that basically everyone watches!"

"Agreed. But one objection," Milton spoke.

"What is it, soldier?"

"Isn't it kind of creepy and stalkerish to follow two of our best friends around on their first date and try every chance we get to get them to make out just so the general public can watch them do it?"

"…"

"…"

"Why yes Milton, yes it is," Jerry replied calmly.

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"Ouchies! You're shoving me!"

"Get your fat butt outta my face!"

"Rudy, your foot does NOT belong there."

"Shut it, guys! Here they come!"

Jack and Kim walked around the corner toward the carnival they were spending their date at. Everyone scrunched together and hoped they wouldn't be spotted. People were sending strange looks their way.

They couldn't imagine why.

Rudy was dressed as a father with a mustache and pipe, Milton was the baby inside a baby carriage being pushed by Jerry, disguised as the mother with a huge curly blonde wig, and Eddie was the old grandmother walking alongside them. Their disguises were terrible.

"Okay, they're getting on the merry-go-round! Commence operation You-Know-What-To-Do!" Rudy whispered loudly.

"…"

"What am I supposed to do, exactly?"

As Kim stepped on board the Merry-Go-Round, she looked back at Jack. "Are you coming, Jack?"

He shook his head. "I get motion sickness really easy. You go ahead."

So Kim climbed aboard the ride herself, which messed up the boys' plan, but they were too busy arguing to notice.

As the ride started, they set their plan into action. Jerry went over to the girl at the counter of the rides' controls and started flirting with her. She giggled and ate up the attention. Meanwhile Milton climbed behind it and hacked into the controls. Fiddling with the dial, the ride started to speed up.

Soon it was going so fast it was a blur. Kim was holding onto a pole, screaming for dear life. "AAAHHHHH!"

"Kim!" Jack cried, jumping up.

When Milton realized Jack wasn't on the ride, he quickly shut it off and made his escape.

Kim walked dizzily off the ride, walking in loops. "Jack, I think I got motion sickness now."

She then proceeded to throw up on him.

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The next ride they decided to try was the bumper cars. As they each climbed into a car, they grinned at each other. "Awesome!"

It was Rudy's turn. A quick thrust of his fist and the guy behind the controls was passed out. He took his position and got his control ready.

He was controlling Jack's bumper car.

As the ride started, he maneuvered Jack's car toward Kim's. The objective was to get their cars to crash so hard Jack would fly right into Kim's lap.

However, it didn't quite work out that way.

As their cars collided, Jack flew all right—straight over Kim's cart and into the wall behind her.

"Jack! Jack!"

Kim jumped off of her car and ran to the wall, where Jack was sitting, looking dazed.

"Jack? Are you all right?" Kim asked cautiously as she approached him.

Jack smiled childishly up at her, a big toothy grin. "Mommy? I wanna see the clowns!"

Kim looked puzzled. "Jack, you're terrified of clowns. Also, my name is Kim, not Mommy."

He pouted. "My name is Jackie, Mommy! I wanna see the clowns!" he started to cry.

"Uh-oh. I think you hit your head a little too hard," she said, bending down and putting a hand on his forehead.

Suddenly Jack changed again. He started speaking in a French accent. "Why, hello there, mademoiselle," he purred, grabbing hold of her hand and kissing it.

Kim's eyes bulged. "Jack—?"

"Who is this Jack?" Jack demanded, suddenly looking angry. "I am Jacques! I will not allow an American to take you, my lovely Kim, away from me!"

He grabbed her waist and pulled her close. "Come, my beauty! We shall travel the world together! We will wed in the moonlight! Be mine forevermore, my sweet Kim!"

Kim sweatdropped. "Uh, Jack—"

"Who is this Jack?" Jack demanded, eyes blazing. "I shall challenge him to a duel for the hand of my lovely Kim! How dare he impede upon our love!"

Rudy edged forward. "Jack, are you—"

When Kim saw him, she glared, suddenly realizing who'd been making this go all wrong.

"YOU are the idiot Jack?" Jack demanded, glaring at Rudy. "I challenge you to a duel!"

"A—a duel?" Rudy stammered.

"Yes! A duel for the hand of the lovely Kim!" Jack declared, kissing Kim's hand. "Now come! Kim shall be mine!"

"Uh, I don't—"

Jack charged Rudy, but before he reached him, he stopped suddenly. A playful smile started to spread across his face. Jack giggled.

"Jack? Are you alright?"

"Hey there, mister!" he said in a high-pitched voice. "I'm Jackette, the ballerina from the movies!"

"Ballerina?"

"Yes! I'll do a bit for you!" Jack sang. He lifted his foot and did a perfect pirouette.

Rudy stifled a laugh.

"La la lalalala la la!" Jack sang as he pranced around.

Kim stormed up and whacked Jack on the head, knocking him out. She glared at Rudy.

"What are you DOING here?"

"Uh, we came to spice up the date."

"And how exactly were you planning to do that?"

"Well, many different ways, actually. Oh, here comes Eddie with the giant truck full of fish."

"GIANT TR—"

Let's just say Kim never got to finish her sentence.

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"Kim?"

"Jack? You're awake?"

"…"

"Right. Stupid question. So what's up?"

"The sky!"

"Jack…"

"Right, sorry, my meds are making me loopy. Speaking of which, why are we in the hospital? I feel like I've been ran over by a truck."

"You were, actually. Rudy, Jerry, Milton, and Eddie decided they needed to spice up our date or whatever."

"Is that why I have a broken leg, neck, and two arms?"

"Yep."

"Well, as long as we're in the hospital, I can practice my pick-up lines on you!"

"What?"

"Baby, did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?"

"Yeah, that's why I'm in the hospital."

"You're no fun, Kim," Jack pouted.

She grinned. "I know. But if it makes you feel better, Jack, I did have fun with you before our mishaps."

"Really? Then can we go on another date?"

"NO!"

"…"

"I mean…let's not tell the guys, okay? I have enough broken bones as it is."

"Fine. So…whatcha wanna do?"

"I don't know."

"I KNOW! Let's sing the jellybean song!"

"…"

**OUTSIDE THE HOSPITAL ROOM**

Rudy high-fived everybody. "We did it! They're happy with each other!"

"In the hospital," Milton pointed out.

"So? They're close now, right? I'll bet they're happy with us! Watch!" Rudy sang as he opened the room's door. "Hey guys! Enjoy your date?"

Jack and Kim looked at each other, then at Rudy. Evil smiles grew on their faces.

"Let's get 'em."

Rudy and the others ran screaming out of the hospital, Jack and Kim hobbling behind all the way.

THE END

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Ug. And I call myself I writer. I don't know how I did, exactly. Funny? Stupid? Great? Cute? Funny? Dumb? Please Review and let me know. I was thinking about doing a sequel, 'Disaster Date Part 2', when they go on their SECOND date…but I honestly don't know if this was funny or not. How did I do? Did you laugh? Please Review and tell me! Please! You can flame me if you want, I guess. I don't care. But if you laughed or even smiled, please review and tell me the part that made you laugh and/or smile! Thanks!

Bye now.


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